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Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41758) - you deserved it (6421)
Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41125) - you deserved it (3496)
On 03/22/2011 at 2:30pm - work - by Kim - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62309) - you deserved it (11803)
On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38870) - you deserved it (7722)
On 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by HotAsTits (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was trying out for my school's athletics team. As I reached the finish line for the 100m sprint, there was so much momentum I couldn't stop. I ended up running into a wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19695) - you deserved it (5762)
On 03/11/2011 at 9:33am - misc - by uncoretard -
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38956) - you deserved it (7129)
On 03/10/2011 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anon (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8647) - you deserved it (28651)
On 03/07/2011 at 11:17am - misc - by thenotsomanlyman - United States
Today, I discovered that I'm short enough to be legally considered a midget. My daughter now wants to bring me to school for show and tell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33764) - you deserved it (3005)
On 03/07/2011 at 8:47am - kids - by fourfootnine (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (14073) - you deserved it (66853)
On 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by Anon. (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10261) - you deserved it (25892)
On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I decided to do a word search in my daughter's Hello Kitty coloring book. It took me 30 minutes to find 6 words in a kids coloring book for ages 1 and up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8749) - you deserved it (23648)
On 02/27/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by ldbella - United States
Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28462) - you deserved it (3207)
On 02/26/2011 at 12:34am - misc - by Franigirl - United States (Virginia)
Today, someone started an event on Facebook for tomorrow called Kick A Ginger Day. Over 300 people are attending. There are only two redheads in my school, and I'm one of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38324) - you deserved it (8233)
On 02/22/2011 at 1:30pm - misc - by Someone (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27627) - you deserved it (2537)
On 02/17/2011 at 11:33am - animals - by Aled (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)
Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21807) - you deserved it (2984)
On 02/10/2011 at 2:26am - misc - by onehitwonder -
Friday 24 May 2013
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