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tiffie29's favorite FMLs
Today, I went bowling with some friends. After a few beers I was showing off spinning the ball around on the tip of my finger. One trip to the ER and two crushed nuts later, I've found that mixing alcohol and heavy shiny balls is not a good idea. FML
by paulwatson93 / 05/17/2011 at 12:28am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Mel / 05/07/2011 at 6:27pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriends dog. After several trips around the block and plenty of strange looks I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
by Username / 05/01/2011 at 4:20am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went tanning for 15 min at my gym. When I got out no one was there, all of the lights were off, and the alarm started going off. Turns out the people working forgot about me, locked up, and left me there. FML
by Tara / 04/30/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by nomorexbox / 04/26/2011 at 3:20pm / United States (Georgia) / Geek
Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML
by rockyrocket / 04/26/2011 at 3:19pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/23/2011 at 5:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by FrOsTy25 / 04/13/2011 at 6:57pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/07/2011 at 3:11am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Animals
Today, I walked into a room, where a guy was violently picking his nose. He kept picking. A very pretty girl walked in after me, and he immediately stopped and sat up straight. Apparently, I'm too ugly to motivate strangers to stop excavating their nasal cavities. FML
by uggo / 03/29/2011 at 1:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to mock a few stuck-up runners by effortlessly jumping over the track hurdles. The last one was the easiest. The easiest to crush my balls on, and twist my ankle up in the process. FML
by Anonymous / 03/29/2011 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML
by Anonymous / 03/26/2011 at 2:24am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.…