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tiffie29's favorite FMLs
by RetroDayDreamer / 09/10/2011 at 11:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML
by Stuck / 09/08/2011 at 6:00am / United States / Health
by me / 09/07/2011 at 7:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
by Sammylad / 09/07/2011 at 6:14pm / United Kingdom (London) / Work
Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML
by Anonymous / 09/07/2011 at 12:30am / United States (Colorado) / Love
by kidswithnomanners / 09/05/2011 at 1:04pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by mike / 09/04/2011 at 1:05pm / United States / Work
by abby181 / 09/03/2011 at 10:36am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML
by only1bigdogme / 09/03/2011 at 1:24am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by CHStennis_4 / 09/03/2011 at 12:48am / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, I went to a baseball game. On the way in, I managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile. It took five minutes of flailing and twisting around in front of hundreds of people before I managed to pull myself out. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 6:20pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 10:08am / United States / Kids
Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2011 at 3:13am / United States (New York) / Money
- Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He… Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've… Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called…