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tiffie29's favorite FMLs
Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML
by mississippi123 / 08/06/2012 at 1:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 10:10am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 12:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by scardeycat13 / 01/08/2012 at 12:38am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
by Danny / 01/07/2012 at 5:27am / Australia / Intimacy
by ericane27 / 12/27/2011 at 2:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by 50love / 12/13/2011 at 12:38am / United States / Love
by Santa / 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:45am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm / United States / Love
Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:16pm / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
by perenoel / 12/03/2011 at 11:24am / France / Kids
Today, I got a round brush stuck in my hair so badly that I couldn't get it out for 45 minutes, and had a panic attack. I had to drive through town with a brush dangling from my head, to the hair salon, and listen to them laugh while they got it out. FML
by maggie / 11/30/2011 at 2:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by me / 11/30/2011 at 1:43am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
- Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding.… Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our… Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did…