I'm simple and complex all at the same time. That is all.
Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML
I agree, your life sucks (7044) - you totally deserved it (38035)
On 07/15/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door "Are you jacking off in there or something?!" and him scream back at her "Shut up you F*ing cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63381) - you totally deserved it (37069)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57561) - you totally deserved it (1823)
On 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had to rub my turtle's anus with a wet Q-tip, which is supposed to help with his constipation. I think he liked it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42542) - you totally deserved it (6113)
On 06/02/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by haniii (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35395) - you totally deserved it (4854)
On 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45588) - you totally deserved it (1569)
On 05/22/2009 at 4:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43026) - you totally deserved it (1359)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by TheJoker (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70288) - you totally deserved it (5437)
On 05/11/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Hallllo (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I took my mom out to a fancy restaurant, and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present. Later, my little brother drew her a card with crayons on pink construction paper. She cried. He is 20 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43461) - you totally deserved it (3323)
On 05/10/2009 at 4:42pm - kids - by Jess-zee (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)
Today, my mom asked if I wanted to come to dinner with my parents and my grandparents who are in from London. When we got to the restaurant, there was a wait. My mom made me walk home because they could get a table quicker for a group of four than a group of five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47051) - you totally deserved it (1102)
On 05/09/2009 at 9:48pm - misc - by charlie (woman) - United States (Delaware)
Today, my boss asked me to pick up some supplies for a presentation. I entered the store in the middle of an armed robbery, was knocked to the floor, and had my cash, phone and credit cards stolen. When I told my boss the story, she said, "So were you able to get the binder clips?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (46656) - you totally deserved it (1437)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:52am - work - by Jay (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36842) - you totally deserved it (10158)
On 05/04/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML
I agree, your life sucks (11875) - you totally deserved it (32687)
On 05/03/2009 at 8:36pm - misc - by Gjkashldf (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (120541) - you totally deserved it (5224)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I overheard my dad's friend complaining to my dad that his new baby boy is a ginger. I continued listening, and heard my dad saying, "Yeah, there's nothing worse than having a ginger." I'm his daughter. I'm a ginger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42580) - you totally deserved it (3516)
On 05/03/2009 at 12:40pm - misc - by Deirbhile (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
