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Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML
I agree, your life sucks (27038) - you deserved it (7544)
On 04/24/2011 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32693) - you deserved it (4971)
On 04/16/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Worried (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
I agree, your life sucks (23451) - you deserved it (5653)
On 04/14/2011 at 1:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14195) - you deserved it (27393)
On 04/12/2011 at 10:20pm - animals - by Anonymous -
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39393) - you deserved it (12271)
On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)
Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39455) - you deserved it (6714)
On 03/26/2011 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Thatslife (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)
Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41841) - you deserved it (6429)
Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40230) - you deserved it (8903)
On 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by HotAsTits (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38956) - you deserved it (6436)
On 03/16/2011 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by thisblows - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (89515) - you deserved it (4727) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35704) - you deserved it (2999)
On 03/05/2011 at 3:26pm - misc - by devinbyrne - United States (Texas)
Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML
I agree, your life sucks (31262) - you deserved it (2064)
On 03/05/2011 at 5:15am - misc - by anon (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32677) - you deserved it (20987)
On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19110) - you deserved it (4530)
On 03/03/2011 at 6:20am - animals - by panda -
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the bed, when he started to tickle me. I tried to pull away but he pushed me back down. I ended up hitting my eye on the corner of the nightstand. His comment was "this is why you shouldn't struggle." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22143) - you deserved it (5812)
On 03/02/2011 at 6:43pm - misc - by taiannalynn5 -
Monday 17 June 2013
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