Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (the 06/01/2015 at 11:44pm) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1235
  • Number of comments : 132
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 19 posted

About thief1434 : "Cowards die many times in life, but the valiant taste of death but once."
~Julius Caesar (Shakespeare's J. Caesar)
"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves."
~Cassius (Shakespeare's J. Caesar)

I run XC, I love languages (they're just so amazing!), and I love to read. :D
I'm open to talk about anything.

thief1434's page activity

Visits<b>gamermagic</b> - yesterday at 11:42am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 11:08pm<b>BritSkits</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 12:16pm<b>tamannab97</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 12:12am<b>iitzHarris</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 4:37pm<b>maxtheripper666</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 12:16am<b>wildcats909</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 3:25am<b>natalea_rae</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 8:41pm<b>youngsparrow</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 2:07am<b>this_ghetto</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 12:51am<b>nina0917</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 12:26am<b>royr7395</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 2:54am<b>GrimmCrimm45</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 12:41am<b>Jellybellybeanz</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 6:35pm<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 9:54am<b>KatlynBrooke</b> - the 01/09/2015 at 2:27am<b>YepThatsMeee</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 8:35am<b>Littlest_things</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 9:20pm

Fucked!<b>KatlynBrooke</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 7:38pm<b>EKDH</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 8:46am<b>coyotefox</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 12:45pm<b>phantomofmind</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 1:17am<b>en0817</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 5:15am<b>ClaireQ123</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 4:54am<b>camogirl2249</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 6:25am<b>hailleylynn</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 2:02am<b>Selki</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 1:49am

thief1434's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of thief1434's badges

thief1434's favorite FMLs

Today, my nutjob girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my best friend, just because she's a woman. Before she left, my now-ex decided to punish me by destroying the dissertation I've spent months working on, along with both backups of it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37988) - you deserved it (4370)

On 01/15/2015 at 12:23pm - love - by Can I press charges? (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33688) - you deserved it (4630)

On 12/18/2014 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my classmate said I looked better without makeup. Well, her exact words were, "You look like less of a whore without makeup." FML

Today, I was informed that my uneven facial features make me seem "untrustworthy." Glad to know my unchangeable physical appearance doubles as a character flaw. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31456) - you deserved it (2526)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:56am - misc - by lopsided (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years after eating in a 5-star restaurant. She said that she wasn't ready and that she would walk home by herself, which she did. A homeless gentleman walked up from behind me, patted me on the back and said, "Bitches man." I cried. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42040) - you deserved it (3137)

On 12/11/2014 at 7:01am - love - by Brasilian29 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. She was so excited that she had a severe asthma attack and ended up in hospital. Her answer was yes, but her parents won't let me anywhere near her now. They say I'm lucky they haven't sued me for "trying to kill her". FML


I agree, your life sucks (42488) - you deserved it (2675)

On 12/06/2014 at 7:56pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29724) - you deserved it (15408)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:32pm - animals - by sting - United States (California)

Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30132) - you deserved it (5354)

On 12/02/2014 at 7:56pm - animals - by allykat - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after two years, my girlfriend finally got over her intimacy and commitment problems, with a guy she met over the summer. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35637) - you deserved it (3107)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:59pm - love - by Summer Loving Happened So Fast - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (38968) - you deserved it (5561)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:40am - intimacy - by justagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34993) - you deserved it (4682)

On 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by pooplife - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML


I agree, your life sucks (35112) - you deserved it (20736)

On 11/30/2014 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my little sister asked if she could play on my laptop, but I said no because I was writing an essay for school. She then bit herself hard and showed the mark to our parents, saying I did it. As they bitched me out, my sister got on my laptop and deleted my half-finished essay. FML

Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34398) - you deserved it (4175)

On 11/28/2014 at 1:43pm - misc - by bullah007 (man) - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, a group of protesters set up just outside my residence hall at one in the morning. After an hour of chanting, the police finally told them to stop, and I was finally able to get some sleep. The protesters responded by pulling the fire alarm in every residence hall on campus. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32570) - you deserved it (2885)

On 11/25/2014 at 11:13am - misc - by IHateProtesters (man) - United States (Connecticut)

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML
  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: