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theviper10118's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 5:02am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML
by SLAB_GIRL15 / 08/01/2012 at 3:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Love
by Goblin Girl / 08/01/2012 at 1:46am / United States (Texas) / Work
by Emily / 08/01/2012 at 1:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 12:17am / Canada / Intimacy
by joleezad5 / 07/31/2012 at 10:49pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML
by kaitlyna15 / 07/31/2012 at 9:54pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by lotd / 07/31/2012 at 7:28pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML
by 1D-107 / 07/31/2012 at 1:43pm / United States (Utah) / Kids
Today, I was swimming with my friends at the local pool. My friend pushed me under, and as I came up for air, my hand stroked a hairy leg. It turns out I had caressed the leg of an old man who had been swimming laps. He spent the next half hour creepily smiling at me. FML
by mac_miller55 / 07/31/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, a girl told me she couldn't text me anymore, because she was too tired and had to sleep. Over the next three hours, she updated her Facebook and Twitter accounts, and made a YouTube video of herself singing. FML
by Anonymous / 07/31/2012 at 12:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/31/2012 at 12:13pm / United States / Health
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
by TheMissMuffly / 07/31/2012 at 11:53am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by gmd05 / 07/31/2012 at 10:28am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year.… Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw… Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't…