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thevelociraptor

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thevelociraptor

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thevelociraptorthevelociraptor
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 399
  • Number of comments : 90
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About thevelociraptor : Why I'm on FML:
I like to laugh, and it's nice to know that there are others with crappy lives, yet still have a sense of humour.

thevelociraptor's page activity

Visits<b>last_kings84</b> - 2 hours ago<b>Zaketh2112</b> - 10 hours ago<b>muslimpride</b> - 20 hours ago<b>Spetz14</b> - 21 hours ago<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - 22 hours ago<b>evergreastest4</b> - 23 hours ago<b>jillyanzen</b> - 23 hours ago<b>BekiJ1</b> - 24 hours ago<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - yesterday at 10:57pm<b>devildog562</b> - yesterday at 10:29pm<b>Chelsea_bella</b> - yesterday at 9:38pm<b>LaurenLo</b> - yesterday at 8:19pm<b>Quackadoodledoo</b> - yesterday at 7:47pm<b>YAAAAAAYYYYYY</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 12:12pm<b>Aquamarine9</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 9:22am<b>sju91</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 12:03am<b>HersheySquirts</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 2:09pm<b>Wingman527</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 1:40pm

Liked!<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - 16 hours ago<b>Wingman527</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 8:51pm<b>BigLatchZatch</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 9:49pm<b>badluckbrianirl</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 1:21pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 12:26pm<b>morondon000</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 7:41pm<b>christofferkamal</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 11:03am<b>Deezknutz</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 9:21am<b>rochedog</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 6:02am<b>turtlescape</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 12:56am<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 11:06pm<b>jaybaldi</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 8:01am<b>pandacrew_</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 5:48am<b>Demig0d6</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 11:27pm<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 7:43am<b>DJisHere11</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 10:45pm<b>Shayaan</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 1:08am<b>JBChristian</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 9:52pm

thevelociraptor's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of thevelociraptor's badges

thevelociraptor's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom got genuinely angry at me because I refused to let her pop a zit that I had "promised" she could pop a few days back. She said with utmost look of disappointment that I'm "not a man of my word". FML

#21267417
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23168) - you deserved it (3726)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:31am - misc - by SystemofaBlink41 (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31304) - you deserved it (3227)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML

#21265203
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37097) - you deserved it (3823)

On 09/25/2014 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

#21260699
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32463) - you deserved it (5373)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm - misc - by immature - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47607) - you deserved it (4423)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was checking out of a hotel when I saw some complementary mints. They weren't mints. They were glass beads. FML

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
79 comments

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

#21257037
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42891) - you deserved it (2708)

On 09/12/2014 at 5:11pm - misc - by he's not the one going to hell (man) - Australia

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

#21252547
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34280) - you deserved it (16112)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

#21251846
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40425) - you deserved it (8114)

On 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by candy man - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

#21251280
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31826) - you deserved it (3121)

On 09/03/2014 at 5:30pm - health - by svenska75 (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34135) - you deserved it (4518)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40757) - you deserved it (9463)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

#21248318
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41260) - you deserved it (3212)

On 08/30/2014 at 4:35am - misc - by poorbastard (man) - Canada (Quebec)



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