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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 524
  • Number of comments : 113
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About thevelociraptor : Why I'm on FML:
I like to laugh, and it's nice to know that there are others with crappy lives, yet still have a sense of humour.

I'm not very good at summarizing my interests, but if you really want to know shoot me a massage. :)

Have a nice day!

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Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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thevelociraptor's favorite FMLs

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML


I agree, your life sucks (23132) - you deserved it (3608)

On 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML


I agree, your life sucks (29358) - you deserved it (10227)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35011) - you deserved it (4004)

On 10/13/2014 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35252) - you deserved it (4820)

On 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by bluevix (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35477) - you deserved it (5574)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by TalkDirtyToMe - New Zealand

Today, my mom got genuinely angry at me because I refused to let her pop a zit that I had "promised" she could pop a few days back. She said with utmost look of disappointment that I'm "not a man of my word". FML


I agree, your life sucks (30100) - you deserved it (4896)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:31am - misc - by SystemofaBlink41 (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35600) - you deserved it (3639)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I have such severe ADD that I can't focus without my medication. When I take the medication, I can only focus on one thing, but not necessarily the thing I need to be focusing on. I have a chem test soon, and I've been vacuuming my room for the past 4 hours. FML


I agree, your life sucks (550) - you deserved it (3996)

On 09/25/2014 at 3:32pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33456) - you deserved it (5690)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm - misc - by immature - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49235) - you deserved it (4705)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was checking out of a hotel when I saw some complementary mints. They weren't mints. They were glass beads. FML

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML


Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43134) - you deserved it (2710)

On 09/12/2014 at 5:11pm - misc - by he's not the one going to hell (man) - Australia

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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