Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (7 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 358
  • Number of comments : 83
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About thevelociraptor : Why I'm on FML:
I like to laugh, and it's nice to know that there are others with crappy lives, yet still have a sense of humour.

thevelociraptor's page activity

Visits<b>yesimoverthirty</b> - 14 hours ago<b>BigLatchZatch</b> - 18 hours ago<b>kinky44</b> - yesterday at 1:10pm<b>eggcupmoose</b> - yesterday at 8:31am<b>SKaiiHiGH</b> - yesterday at 1:59am<b>Much2Much4U</b> - yesterday at 12:08am<b>iamcodydat</b> - yesterday at 10:42pm<b>neveah_marie</b> - yesterday at 10:02pm<b>Jreslier</b> - yesterday at 8:56pm<b>MadLife136</b> - yesterday at 8:29pm<b>Feijai</b> - yesterday at 7:45pm<b>NazT123</b> - yesterday at 7:14pm<b>RandomPrius</b> - yesterday at 6:37pm<b>rasiggy</b> - yesterday at 6:23pm<b>Noah197099</b> - yesterday at 5:59pm<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - yesterday at 5:32pm<b>joecool86</b> - yesterday at 4:18pm<b>klune</b> - yesterday at 4:16pm

Liked!<b>BigLatchZatch</b> - yesterday at 9:49pm<b>badluckbrianirl</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 1:21pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 12:26pm<b>morondon000</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 7:41pm<b>christofferkamal</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 11:03am<b>Deezknutz</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 9:21am<b>rochedog</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 6:02am<b>turtlescape</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 12:56am<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 11:06pm<b>jaybaldi</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 8:01am<b>pandacrew_</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 5:48am<b>Demig0d6</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 11:27pm<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 7:43am<b>DJisHere11</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 10:45pm<b>Shayaan</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 1:08am<b>JBChristian</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 9:52pm<b>TheViPeRisT</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 7:19pm<b>clubbing4life</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 5:25pm

thevelociraptor's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.


You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of thevelociraptor's badges

thevelociraptor's favorite FMLs

Today, I was checking out of a hotel when I saw some complementary mints. They weren't mints. They were glass beads. FML

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML


Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39799) - you deserved it (2659)

On 09/12/2014 at 5:11pm - misc - by he's not the one going to hell (man) - Australia

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33450) - you deserved it (15705)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38847) - you deserved it (7910)

On 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by candy man - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31541) - you deserved it (3112)

On 09/03/2014 at 5:30pm - health - by svenska75 (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33882) - you deserved it (4501)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40495) - you deserved it (9436)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41058) - you deserved it (3208)

On 08/30/2014 at 4:35am - misc - by poorbastard (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML


I agree, your life sucks (35307) - you deserved it (4672)

On 08/28/2014 at 9:47pm - love - by ch4nny (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML


I agree, your life sucks (33146) - you deserved it (3875)

On 08/26/2014 at 6:55pm - misc - by Lika1712 (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50373) - you deserved it (9706)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37872) - you deserved it (2831)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML


I agree, your life sucks (37601) - you deserved it (6314)

On 08/17/2014 at 11:19am - misc - by Etrius (man) - United States (Oregon)

FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: