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Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68821) - you deserved it (3076)
On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States
Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25387) - you deserved it (36784)
On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States
Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28710) - you deserved it (3186)
On 08/23/2011 at 11:55am - kids - by Username - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23220) - you deserved it (4128)
On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States
Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24271) - you deserved it (27439)
On 08/21/2011 at 12:54am - intimacy - by Emily - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend showed me his penis for the first time. All I could think to say was, "That's a clean circumcision." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21791) - you deserved it (6051)
On 08/06/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by plantfood - United States
Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30910) - you deserved it (5002)
On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8458) - you deserved it (71705)
On 07/22/2011 at 2:29am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, after babysitting, the parents actually tried to pay me in Trident Layers Gum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37757) - you deserved it (3552)
On 07/21/2011 at 8:20pm - money - by iwantmoney - United States (Ohio)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37347) - you deserved it (2928)
On 07/17/2011 at 8:04pm - intimacy - by Cinnamon (man) - Jamaica (Saint Andrew)
Today, I was given a DUI while in the Whataburger drive thru. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9026) - you deserved it (35793)
On 07/16/2011 at 7:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27973) - you deserved it (12230)
On 07/16/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by McKenna - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28608) - you deserved it (6420)
On 07/15/2011 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35618) - you deserved it (7113)
On 07/15/2011 at 12:53am - intimacy - by krissy8799 - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (105278) - you deserved it (5804)
On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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