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therobotchef's favorite FMLs
Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML
by lingling / 12/15/2012 at 7:57pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by Dontwaketheneighbors / 12/06/2012 at 9:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
by dumping time / 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Love
Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
by WTF / 10/12/2012 at 7:00pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 1:20pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Love
by thismakesmesad / 09/07/2011 at 12:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by knolan / 07/20/2011 at 12:40am / United States / Intimacy
by pissedexworker / 12/18/2010 at 10:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/22/2010 at 2:52pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 02/04/2010 at 3:29am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my 5th birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML
by Ex-girlfried / 09/06/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, for karaoke, I sang American Woman by Lenny Kravitz. The entire audience cracked up laughing and at least three people pulled out their cell phones to record my performance. At the end, the DJ said, "Looks like someone had too much tonight." I was completely sober. FML
by Cossack_Man / 08/25/2009 at 4:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by AwesomePGnarles / 02/13/2009 at 3:17am / United States (New York) / Love
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- Today, I woke up from a dream in which I was making passionate love with a beautiful woman. The bad… Today, I had a sex dream. I woke up, sleepily got myself off and fell right asleep. it wasn't until… Today, my boyfriend and I had an argument. He said he doesn't know if we are meant to be together.…
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, as an overprotective mother, I asked my 19 year-old son, who was going to spend his day on… Today, a piece of candy thrown from the top of the Eiffel Tower broke one the frames of my glasses.…