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thepurplepanda

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thepurplepanda

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thepurplepanda's favorite FMLs

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

#20510255
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28415) - you deserved it (5989)

On 02/17/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

#20003323
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27475) - you deserved it (5843)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

#17874875
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38109) - you deserved it (6893)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:57pm - love - by lostlove (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

#16293589
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72365) - you deserved it (3724)

On 05/22/2011 at 5:31am - misc - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend in her room. That means: Jonas Brothers posters on the wall, Jonas Brothers pillows, sheets, comforter and stuffed dog. After we did it, she apologized to her posters for having to see that, since they're pure. FML

#8865322
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29179) - you deserved it (7923)

On 03/06/2010 at 9:31am - intimacy - by ICantBelieveThis - United States (New York)

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

#5931045
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25503) - you deserved it (3587)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Busted (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

#5168083
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32864) - you deserved it (7364)

On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

#4247689
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68049) - you deserved it (3964)

On 08/03/2009 at 2:31am - misc - by dumb (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM to my boyfriend flipping on the lights and shouting, "We have a problem!" Our chinchilla had gotten out of his maximum security cage, and half of our apartment is now underwater because he decided the water line that leads to the fridge would make a tasty midnight snack. FML

#208804
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50835) - you deserved it (8274)

On 03/04/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Sara (woman) - United States (Washington)



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