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thepirate19

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thepirate19
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 523
  • Number of comments : 49
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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thepirate19's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

#18506828
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34708) - you deserved it (2206)

On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

#18495546
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34394) - you deserved it (3696)

On 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm - kids - by Santa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I rode the public bus. When I got off, I put my hood up only to discover that the old man who sat behind me had used my hood as a trashcan for his gum and used Kleenex. I can't get the gum out of my hair. FML

#18482161
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28948) - you deserved it (2132)

On 12/11/2011 at 1:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

#18479276
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46269) - you deserved it (3468)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML

#18456086
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29305) - you deserved it (4273)

On 12/07/2011 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by journey_Jeanne - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

#18417408
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27291) - you deserved it (4074)

On 12/03/2011 at 5:04am - intimacy - by trembelwick - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

#18392410
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33650) - you deserved it (4343)

On 11/30/2011 at 6:17am - love - by no low five (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

#18370889
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36062) - you deserved it (9016)

On 11/27/2011 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost a huge bet with my friends. I had to either post a sexual message on my mom's Facebook wall confessing my "love" for her, or be ratted out for cheating on a school test earlier in the year. Now I'm considered a freak by half my school, and am indefinitely grounded. FML

#18368736
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6131) - you deserved it (34428)

On 11/27/2011 at 6:16pm - misc - by honor sucks (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML

#18346982
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23442) - you deserved it (9158)

On 11/25/2011 at 1:08pm - misc - by ravlol - United States (Missouri)

Today, we were going around the table, telling everyone what we were thankful for. My girlfriend said she was thankful for her vibrator, because I can't please her like it can. My family thought this was funny. FML

#18346597
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35600) - you deserved it (8082)

On 11/25/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by notgoodenough - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML

#18326234
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37629) - you deserved it (1960)

On 11/23/2011 at 12:03pm - love - by cheated - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML

#18255063
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33876) - you deserved it (18245)

On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy (woman) - United States

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13831) - you deserved it (49689)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, my boyfriend gave me a promise ring. It was so sweet and romantic, until he said, "I want to marry you one day. But I want to date some other girls first." FML

#18224310
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36122) - you deserved it (2876)

On 11/12/2011 at 12:06am - love - by so romantic - United States (Texas)



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