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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 32985
  • Number of comments : 267
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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theoldGP's page activity

Visits<b>moosemay</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 1:15pm<b>slombre</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 6:11pm<b>lolly_bags</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 8:11am<b>tftm</b> - the 01/04/2013 at 10:09pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 1:57am<b>ch2358</b> - the 08/30/2009 at 3:48pm<b>plexico</b> - the 08/30/2009 at 5:58am<b>username666</b> - the 05/25/2009 at 11:13am<b>bluedoll</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 2:53pm<b>Jdubbs80</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 12:08am<b>Subtext</b> - the 05/16/2009 at 5:22pm<b>sluttywhore69</b> - the 05/12/2009 at 10:41pm<b>whyyalltrippin</b> - the 05/09/2009 at 5:18pm<b>maximum31337</b> - the 05/06/2009 at 9:07pm<b>FMLK1Pac</b> - the 05/03/2009 at 7:12pm<b>chubs</b> - the 05/02/2009 at 9:22pm<b>bamfanr94</b> - the 04/30/2009 at 11:39pm<b>megg07</b> - the 04/30/2009 at 10:52pm

theoldGP's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

theoldGP's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance. It's one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I'm waiting in his driveway with balloons I see his car reverse and go the other direction. FML

by SmileEveryday / 03/17/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

by MrAwsum / 03/17/2009 at 4:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

by MarMar / 03/15/2009 at 4:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 4:54pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

by SpiderMan / 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

by Sarah / 03/10/2009 at 1:13pm / United Kingdom (Bolton) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML

by sheyo / 03/04/2009 at 8:13pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML

by camp / 03/03/2009 at 5:14pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

by jsw029 / 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

by Noname / 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML

by not-so-young-shortie / 02/18/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

by janedoe / 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

by fecurtis / 01/23/2009 at 3:36am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, while shopping for a pair of shoes, I saw a pair I really liked lying around, so I sat down to try them on. Then, a man came up to me and pointed out that they were actually his shoes. FML

by Gregory / 11/28/2008 at 5:28am / Miscellaneous