theoldGP

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theoldGP

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 32710
  • Number of comments : 267
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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theoldGP's page activity

Visits<b>moosemay</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 1:15pm<b>slombre</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 6:11pm<b>lolly_bags</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 8:11am<b>tftm</b> - the 01/04/2013 at 10:09pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 1:57am<b>ch2358</b> - the 08/30/2009 at 3:48pm<b>plexico</b> - the 08/30/2009 at 5:58am<b>username666</b> - the 05/25/2009 at 11:13am<b>bluedoll</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 2:53pm<b>Jdubbs80</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 12:08am<b>Subtext</b> - the 05/16/2009 at 5:22pm<b>sluttywhore69</b> - the 05/12/2009 at 10:41pm<b>whyyalltrippin</b> - the 05/09/2009 at 5:18pm<b>maximum31337</b> - the 05/06/2009 at 9:07pm<b>FMLK1Pac</b> - the 05/03/2009 at 7:12pm<b>chubs</b> - the 05/02/2009 at 9:22pm<b>bamfanr94</b> - the 04/30/2009 at 11:39pm<b>megg07</b> - the 04/30/2009 at 10:52pm

theoldGP's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

theoldGP's favorite FMLs

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

by darlingditz / 04/02/2009 at 7:05pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, my boss came up to my desk to talk about a new project. He came up to my monitor so we can go to a website. My browser had frozen and I couldn't close it. The tabs I had open: Facebook, Gmail, Careerbuilder, Monster, and Resume Samples. FML

by ex-employee / 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 2:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

by highleyj / 04/01/2009 at 4:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister got mad at me because I wouldn't let her read my IM conversation. I took a nap and when I woke up, my laptop was gone. She took it on a trip to her grandparents' house, six hours away. Nude pictures of me and my paper due tomorrow are on the laptop. FML

by somerandomchick / 03/31/2009 at 1:32am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

by Creep / 03/27/2009 at 8:24pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 years old to run to the store. She didnt want to but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML

by badmom / 03/27/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2009 at 12:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

by Spawn_of_Satan / 03/27/2009 at 11:18am / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

by Jesse / 03/20/2009 at 1:48am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

by Syferix / 03/18/2009 at 6:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

by bluten / 03/18/2009 at 12:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love