themonesterman

Search for a member

Offline (the 12/12/2015 at 5:20am)

themonesterman

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2101
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About themonesterman : Whaddya you need to know besides that I'm on FML? If its a burning question, which WILL NOT HAPPEN, msg me. Bitch.

themonesterman's page activity

Visits<b>cuz803</b> - the 09/22/2016 at 8:25am<b>FigureSkater7713</b> - the 04/17/2016 at 11:06am<b>madi10647</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 10:19pm<b>Pineapple_Salad</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 5:54am<b>dogshorsescats</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 5:51pm<b>sstahpp</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 2:34pm<b>Clam_igger</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 8:49am<b>KatieKoala</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 3:56am<b>MalcolmRodrigues</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 10:41am<b>Metashock</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 2:06pm<b>khoov19</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 11:45pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 12:41am<b>AngryRussianGuy</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 5:09pm<b>AnasMerchant</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 4:14pm<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 10:41pm<b>JuzReading</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 2:48am<b>louisianababe93</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 2:04am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 3:15pm

Fucked!<b>cuz803</b> - the 09/22/2016 at 2:25pm

themonesterman's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of themonesterman's badges

themonesterman's favorite FMLs

Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML

by hello higher premiums, fuckwad / 08/25/2013 at 12:23pm / Canada (Quebec) / Transportation

Today, I was walking to the gym when the woman in front of me dropped some cash. I picked it up and tried to get her attention. She saw the money and thought I was trying to pay her to sleep with me. FML

by unknown / 06/12/2013 at 1:33pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML

by QueenOrangeSoda / 05/01/2013 at 5:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend of 6 months yelled at me for not comforting her while she was crying because her ex got a new girlfriend, and "it's just not fair." FML

by they've been broken up for a year. / 11/19/2012 at 2:13am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

by tempted to become single / 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 1:31am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2012 at 10:45am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, I was accepted into a police academy. I called my girlfriend of 2 years, who was supportive through the process. She promptly broke up with me, stating, "You'll be really busy in the academy, and I can't marry a police officer. Its a dangerous job." And then called me selfish for "doing this to us." FML

by FuturePolice / 01/23/2012 at 4:56am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML

by eakthegeek / 01/10/2012 at 4:36am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2011 at 1:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I carpooled with my co-worker whose girlfriend has left him. The radio was playing the song "Jar of Hearts." He then began to sing intensely, and broke down crying. FML

by Anon / 11/14/2011 at 3:45am / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

by ThatHurts / 11/13/2011 at 7:11pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I was rear-ended by a girl barely out of her teens. I got out of my car and went to get her insurance details, only for her mother to get out and up in my face, screaming at me to, "Get back in your fucking car and get the fuck out of here!" I panicked and did just that. FML

by Benjamin / 10/27/2011 at 9:22pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Missouri) / Animals