About themartonfi : I'm a nerd that speedruns Banjo-Kazooie and enjoys tinkering with electronics and computers.
themartonfi's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
themartonfi's favorite FMLs
by cutiecuppiecakez / 02/29/2016 at 4:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by MiceMiles / 12/10/2015 at 7:34am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 11:05am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy
by philosophicallll / 09/28/2015 at 4:25pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Animals
by justin Bieber / 06/15/2015 at 10:49am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2014 at 7:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by zephyrgk / 09/01/2013 at 9:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML
by ggabrams / 08/17/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML
by apparentlythereisnokarma / 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
by cumhole / 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by megaladon / 06/28/2010 at 4:12am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML
by Lovejunkie / 03/01/2010 at 2:30am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
by Nemesis2747 / 12/24/2009 at 1:09am / United States (New York) / Love
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- Today, I can't seem to get a job after going for more than 20 interviews over the last two months.… Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to… Today, after asking my manager how his day was going he explained that he stopped drinking and was…