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About themartonfi : I'm a nerd that speedruns Banjo-Kazooie and enjoys tinkering with electronics and computers.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, while making spaghetti, my boyfriend tested the pasta was done by throwing the entire pot of pasta, including the boiling water and the pot, at the wall. A few pieces of pasta stuck to the wall. He then turned around, smiled and said, "Yep, it's done". FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
Tuesday 24 November 2015