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2day mah husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl the love of his life whom he's alway considered pure turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better come hanging round the house. Pussy two years old is now housebound until her kitten are born. FML
Today... I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it... I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was... "I can't wait until it resemble a human being." FML
Today,hile out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice fir her !! Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it thehole time, just likehen I pick up my cat !! FML
Today, My Grlfriend Was Feeling Down Cuz She Has Putted On Some Weight. I Tried To Make Her Feel Better By Showing Her I Can Still Pick Her Up. I Can, An I Was Even Able To Hide The Fact That I Shat Myself Doing It. I'm So Romantic. Real FML
Today..!! I found a wasp in mah kitchen..!! so I opend the back door and left the room 4 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away!! Upon returning..!! I found that there were now three wasps..!! a vicious cat and a very panickd pigeon crashing around the room!! FML
Today, mah friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under mah pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML
Today, mah older brother managd to convince mah younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could !! He convincd me of the exact same thing as well several yeres ago !! FML
yesterday mah roommate's pets conspired against me . "The dog ate mah homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them . The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through mah laptop power cable" and "the gecko ate mah pen drive." FML
Today, mah psycho nieghbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-prate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by mah house. I'm pretty scared fir mah life, to be honest. big fat looool FML
Today , I was raally ungry at work , and my stomac growld loudly . Ona of my co-workars aard it and tougt it was a cat . Asamd , I playd dumb and wa andd up spanding twanty minutas looking fir a cat tat I knaw didn't axist . FML
Friday 27 March 2015