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50 favourites
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Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13441) - you deserved it (36670)
On 08/11/2010 at 9:55pm - misc - by Chris (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my best friend who I've known since high school is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past 7 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7485) - you deserved it (92294)
On 08/03/2010 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Emily (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28518) - you deserved it (5285)
On 07/02/2010 at 11:05am - misc - by Mikimiks93 (woman) - South Africa (Limpopo)
Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15005) - you deserved it (44122)
On 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm - health - by fartwoman - United States (California)
Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15005) - you deserved it (44122)
On 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm - health - by fartwoman - United States (California)
Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9610) - you deserved it (189612)
On 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by Chichensoup (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20530) - you deserved it (50212)
On 04/08/2010 at 12:27am - kids - by bleredoshia (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34466) - you deserved it (7051)
On 04/05/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Hate2Date (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15987) - you deserved it (8165)
On 03/14/2010 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him but I hear him in the walls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18282) - you deserved it (1579)
On 02/28/2010 at 6:16am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23006) - you deserved it (2725)
On 02/15/2010 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42751) - you deserved it (6374)
On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30897) - you deserved it (3270)
On 12/30/2009 at 2:07pm - love - by hatelife (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25147) - you deserved it (1422)
On 11/18/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Bribri (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at a party where I ate bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14747) - you deserved it (23699)
On 11/14/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by swedishdude (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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