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thekillslovekoi

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thekillslovekoi

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  • Number of visits : 25
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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thekillslovekoi's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14787) - you deserved it (38457)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was having a debate with my friend over tattoos. I used the example that you wouldn't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari. He looked me in the eye and said, "Yeah, but you're no Ferrari. More like a Prius." FML

#19801481
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10534) - you deserved it (23095)

On 06/17/2012 at 1:01pm - misc - by kitty shah - United States

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

#19756840
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22888) - you deserved it (1999)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:54pm - love - by SprinklerDodger (man) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

#19739013
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24251) - you deserved it (5860)

On 06/05/2012 at 3:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

#19738484
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27400) - you deserved it (3066)

On 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by why... (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

#19736092
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32103) - you deserved it (2851)

On 06/04/2012 at 11:47pm - work - by kufan1324 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job at a weight-loss center because I was too skinny, and apparently it's too depressing for the customers to handle. FML

#19677400
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23925) - you deserved it (3265)

On 05/25/2012 at 7:18am - work - by jingle - United States (Delaware)

Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML

#19674357
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15090) - you deserved it (1727)

On 05/24/2012 at 6:39pm - misc - by Notasinner (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my therapist clapped for me when I told her I'd made a friend. FML

#19195377
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26027) - you deserved it (3408)

On 03/01/2012 at 12:12pm - misc - by ohdang - United States (Illinois)

Today, I started crying in class because of a sad part in the book I was reading. I got pulled out into the hallway and my male teacher asked, "Is it your special time?" FML

#19189371
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31584) - you deserved it (7805)

On 02/29/2012 at 3:21pm - misc - by Crying - United States (Michigan)

Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML

#19180967
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27839) - you deserved it (2172)

On 02/28/2012 at 7:46am - animals - by JeffeeBojangles - United States (Texas)

Today, I called my husband, who is currently stationed in Japan, to see how he was doing. According to his girlfriend, he's doing fine. FML

#19174580
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43144) - you deserved it (2520)

On 02/27/2012 at 12:42pm - love - by unknown - United States

Today, the captain of my school's girls wrestling team asked me out. I politely declined. She angrily locked me in the trunk of my own car. FML

#19165097
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32854) - you deserved it (5547)

On 02/26/2012 at 1:12am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

#19164733
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30376) - you deserved it (2845)

On 02/26/2012 at 12:16am - kids - by whattabrat - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was writing my rough draft of an essay, and I forgot how to spell a word. I waited for auto correct to help. I was writing on paper. FML

#19144925
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10955) - you deserved it (39377)

On 02/23/2012 at 8:49am - work - by Anonymous - United States



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