thejzabs

Search for a member

Offline (the 05/19/2016 at 11:44pm)

thejzabs

34Fucked!

thejzabsthejzabs
  • Town/Country : Waukesha, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 7 February 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 986
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About thejzabs : 20 year old dude currently touring Europe. UW class of 2020

thejzabs's page activity

Visits<b>MissDramaQueen</b> - yesterday at 10:34am<b>Bambi1447</b> - the 07/12/2016 at 12:21am<b>arasx0</b> - the 06/26/2016 at 5:31pm<b>FangedOrangutan</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 6:12pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 7:36pm<b>Kitteh8601</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 12:15pm<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 11:03pm<b>anonymous0110902</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 11:56pm<b>hammerjoe33</b> - the 03/22/2016 at 11:25pm<b>jill97</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 5:23am<b>FalloutScrolls</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 9:32am<b>Rarreen</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 4:46pm<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 5:34pm<b>rdavis32</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 12:18am<b>James64138</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 12:09pm<b>feven</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 8:20am<b>nandybear</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 3:49pm<b>smeegle</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 7:08pm

Fucked!<b>Kitteh8601</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 6:15pm<b>anonymous0110902</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 5:56am<b>nandybear</b> - the 11/27/2015 at 6:21am<b>MissDramaQueen</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 6:57pm<b>neneluvsyooh</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 5:15pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 12:13am<b>TheLostCauseFML</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 7:17am<b>imhope</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 1:05am<b>secondcitystyles</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 8:13am<b>carebear1228</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 11:50pm<b>qdawg06</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 8:49pm<b>redlight98</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 9:28pm<b>SabrinaEpic3</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 10:12am<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 4:48pm<b>camogirl2249</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 4:37pm<b>kittynat</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 6:41am<b>KatlynBrooke</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 8:46am<b>DarksideDoll</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 4:26am

thejzabs's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of thejzabs's badges

thejzabs's favorite FMLs

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

by henhouse / 07/18/2015 at 7:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I slept on the plane ride home and had a scary nightmare. I started screaming in my dream, so loud that it shocked the old lady sitting next to me into screaming as well. The whole plane began laughing as we were both screaming. FML

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

by camerashyguy / 09/19/2014 at 11:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on Facebook, only to see my grandpa had posted "feeling horny" with my grandma. FML

by failingdaily / 09/19/2014 at 10:27pm / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Geek

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

by royallymessedup / 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm / Love

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

by Alex / 06/20/2014 at 6:05pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Kids

Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement and turned on the TV to the local news. The station goes to their sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passed, I looked outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML

by Gone With the Wind / 05/11/2014 at 11:29pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML

by my gran is a cuntwaffle / 09/26/2013 at 4:36pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to: "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML

by sucksatlove / 07/25/2013 at 7:20pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2013 at 10:28am / United States / Animals

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

by obnum / 04/18/2013 at 10:37am / United States / Love

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

by ari / 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm / United States / Work

Today, I was cutting the grass, it was really hot and I fainted. I woke up to see my mom standing over me. I thought she was going to freak out and call an ambulance. Instead she said, "Good, you're up. Now you can finish." FML

by Aw522 / 05/30/2012 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous