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thejenster29's favorite FMLs
Today, I finally finished downloading a 60GB TV series after two weeks of waiting. Every single "episode" turned out to be Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up, on constant repeat. I almost respect the prankster's effort enough to not want to gut him like a fish. Almost. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 8:52pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by Amithatevil / 08/29/2014 at 8:35am / Japan (Kanagawa) / Kids
Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2014 at 12:34am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by whotouchedyou1 / 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by guest / 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 5:27am / United States (California) / Love
by Yeppets / 05/28/2014 at 12:13am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's been a week since I found an egg in the street that had seemingly fallen out of a nest. I'd bought a cage and an expensive incubator lamp to save it. It's thus been a week that I've been trying to save a mouldy old potato. FML
by mac cayne / 05/01/2014 at 11:13pm / France (Alsace) / Miscellaneous
by nh-Amazon / 04/27/2014 at 7:01pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML
by freakedout / 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by Motha / 04/09/2014 at 1:17am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML
by SarahNB / 03/01/2014 at 4:09pm / United States (Utah) / Money
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest… Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to… Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up,…