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thehylianhero

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thehylianhero

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  • Number of visits : 70
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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thehylianhero's favorite FMLs

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

#20668913
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47610) - you deserved it (3341)

On 05/17/2013 at 11:52am - misc - by Sonofa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

#20668540
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56216) - you deserved it (4760)

On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

#20664572
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50392) - you deserved it (8803)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML

#20663501
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52600) - you deserved it (3215)

On 05/14/2013 at 6:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

#20660456
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46764) - you deserved it (8979)

On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML

#20655660
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86251) - you deserved it (5467)

On 05/11/2013 at 2:25am - love - by tdrtnlz - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

#20654425
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57326) - you deserved it (5875)

On 05/10/2013 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

#20653962
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49141) - you deserved it (5264)

On 05/10/2013 at 8:37am - animals - by FenRackety (man) - Canada

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

#20653580
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42683) - you deserved it (8676)

On 05/10/2013 at 12:44am - work - by legit247 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

#20649343
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49131) - you deserved it (11039)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61579) - you deserved it (11846)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML

#20647074
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58744) - you deserved it (4590)

On 05/07/2013 at 1:10am - misc - by the girl next door (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64439) - you deserved it (5945)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

#20642331
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41966) - you deserved it (73095)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by beyondembarrassed - United States

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

#20642261
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54841) - you deserved it (10568)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by dancer, not a hooker... - Canada (British Columbia)



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