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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28155) - you deserved it (4932)
On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)
Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25330) - you deserved it (1489)
On 02/11/2013 at 2:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31060) - you deserved it (3108)
On 02/09/2013 at 7:00am - intimacy - by Lois - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
I agree, your life sucks (14163) - you deserved it (33394)
On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)
Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24634) - you deserved it (2214)
On 07/23/2012 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Wyoming)
Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25669) - you deserved it (2936)
On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25049) - you deserved it (2657)
On 09/02/2011 at 8:47am - intimacy - by rochellamaya - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25342) - you deserved it (4080)
On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40464) - you deserved it (6545)
On 06/22/2011 at 4:13am - intimacy - by fmlguy382 - United States
Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40044) - you deserved it (3366)
On 06/20/2011 at 11:57am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)
Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46939) - you deserved it (5176)
On 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)
Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26816) - you deserved it (4622)
On 06/18/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by callie - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my sister. I was happily biting into a burrito, when I saw a man in his car in the restaurant parking lot, staring at us and jacking off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28162) - you deserved it (2611)
On 11/09/2010 at 2:51am - intimacy - by secretdoll (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was conducting interviews and I could tell this particular candidate was really nervous, so I was extra nice. At the end, he was reluctant to shake my hand. On the way out I realised why: I had lost the top button on my low cut top, and he was nursing his appreciation of the view. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16238) - you deserved it (5817)
On 09/22/2010 at 4:49am - work - by pizzacat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24872) - you deserved it (5130)
On 08/29/2010 at 11:37am - intimacy - by bkay26 - United States (Georgia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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