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theelfqueen's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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theelfqueen's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/08/2015 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by therewasnocurtain / 04/06/2015 at 4:07pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy
by John / 10/20/2014 at 8:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by theunluckylifeofme / 06/26/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 1:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by scarredforlife / 06/16/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML
by thefriedman / 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 2:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Lois / 02/09/2013 at 7:00am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 12:08am / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Intimacy
Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML
by hamandegger / 02/04/2013 at 3:17pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML
by Awkward... / 01/29/2013 at 4:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 4:08am / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML
by missprude666 / 01/19/2012 at 3:32am / Australia / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same… Today, I walked around for hours with a post-it on my back reading "I JUST HAD SEX!" My boyfriend… Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to…