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theclay22

Offline (the 10/09/2014 at 7:59am) | Search for a member

theclay22

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  • Number of visits : 65
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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theclay22's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

#21237898
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35115) - you deserved it (9990)

On 08/15/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35132) - you deserved it (11496)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

#21206881
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55440) - you deserved it (10950)

On 07/12/2014 at 10:00am - intimacy - by weeping_angel_ - United States (New York)

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44242) - you deserved it (8280)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

#21156297
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40622) - you deserved it (6526)

On 05/29/2014 at 7:32pm - work - by mathesonn - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

#21155508
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59054) - you deserved it (4562)

On 05/29/2014 at 2:46am - animals - by Idk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46403) - you deserved it (6407)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

#21136073
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41913) - you deserved it (10070)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:34pm - work - by can't eat paper - United States

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

#21127873
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48617) - you deserved it (4421)

On 05/01/2014 at 10:17am - animals - by Felicityfrank (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

#21121912
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42512) - you deserved it (3540)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I met online. The picture is in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

#21103818
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45303) - you deserved it (3610)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by kubbyp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at my job as a bouncer at a music venue, a guy got his nose broken in a rowdy mosh pit. When I went to help him up and see if he was okay, he said, "It was an accident, please don't kick me out," but the word "please" came out as a hot spray of his blood across my face. FML

#21095237
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36990) - you deserved it (3085)

On 03/24/2014 at 2:53pm - work - by bloodyhell - United States (Colorado)

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

#21070396
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44481) - you deserved it (4204)

On 02/24/2014 at 2:36pm - misc - by fuckmeitsgettingworse - United Kingdom (Derby)



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