Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

thecalvin123

Online | Search for a member

thecalvin123

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 3 September 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 893
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About thecalvin123 : People call me arrogant and conceited, but I prefer to call it "above average self-esteem." I'm asian, just so you people know. That has nothing to do with the fact that my profile picture is a Toyota. Tennis is the only sport I'm not 100% bullshit at playing. Just turned 16. Woot.

thecalvin123's page activity

Visits<b>aamir251</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 5:59am<b>incoherentrmblr</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 1:49am<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 12:09am<b>lexi_is_me</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 3:36am<b>vlalam</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 8:13pm<b>shady914</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 2:47pm<b>pureportedpear</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 9:23am<b>taylor21398</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 8:35am<b>mk1hate1my1job1</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 12:32am<b>Garrett2818</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 2:05am<b>robsmit98</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 4:31pm<b>JosephAnders</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 8:06pm<b>JuliaaNoelle</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 1:11am<b>TabooSushi</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 6:13am<b>Welshite</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 9:35am<b>deviking</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 8:03pm<b>abattior</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 8:10pm<b>A_Dead_Fish32</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 8:05pm

thecalvin123's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of thecalvin123's badges

thecalvin123's favorite FMLs

Today, I frantically told my parents that my bank account had no money. Turns out, they took the $1,600 I had saved up from a summer job and invested it in penny-stocks. I was grounded because they were "doing it for the family," and I'm being selfish. They also had lost it all in a matter of days. FML

#21306100
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26786) - you deserved it (1746)

On 11/26/2014 at 9:13am - money - by poor man - United States (Florida)

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

#21303170
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29643) - you deserved it (8375)

On 11/21/2014 at 4:56am - intimacy - by weirdthingtosay (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was counselling a soon-to-be teen mom. She has a younger step-brother, and when I asked her how she handled him when he cries, she said, "Oh, that's when you cover their face until they stop!" FML

#21300330
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29974) - you deserved it (2049)

On 11/16/2014 at 9:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43337) - you deserved it (3813)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

#21295236
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32914) - you deserved it (3209)

On 11/09/2014 at 3:37am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

#21294812
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17501) - you deserved it (32895)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML

#21293397
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34858) - you deserved it (2457)

On 11/06/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by CatLover (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend kept jiggling my fat rolls while we were cuddling. I was annoyed, and I told him he could at least go for my boobs instead. He instantly replied, "But these are bigger..." FML

#21293369
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34549) - you deserved it (7574)

On 11/06/2014 at 12:14pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

#21290410
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34673) - you deserved it (4346)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:23am - kids - by wow - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

#21290182
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29173) - you deserved it (6431)

On 11/02/2014 at 12:51am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML

#21289781
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30761) - you deserved it (2870)

On 11/01/2014 at 2:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML

#21288917
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31162) - you deserved it (2605)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:55am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25973) - you deserved it (21277)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32524) - you deserved it (4550)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

#21285126
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34158) - you deserved it (7707)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)



FML's blog

  • FML's Thanksgiving Special: TGS
  • As many of us know through popular culture, today is Thanksgiving in the US. Come on, we’ve all seen a TV show involving a Thanksgiving dinner or plans to do so that have gone awry due to one of the main…

Wednesday 26 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: