Smartass by nature.
Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2051) - you totally deserved it (12911)
On 11/20/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by Links (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
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On 11/17/2009 at 3:05pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13535) - you totally deserved it (1604)
On 11/11/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by carsuck (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got a new CD player for my car and an alarm installed for added security. After work, I saw my windows smashed, the CD player gone, the alarm wires cut, and a note that said, "Try again." FML
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On 11/10/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was falling asleep on my desk, my head on my fist. My elbow slipped off the edge of the desk and I punched myself, leaving a fist mark on my cheek. At school, people think my parents hit me. My parents think I'm getting bullied at school. No one believes the actual story. FML
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On 11/08/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by bob (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)
Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML
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On 11/05/2009 at 9:22am - health - by HairyBoobs (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML
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On 11/01/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by WasteOfTime (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I was driving my child to school when the car let out a huge bang. It shuddered to a halt. My son started laughing. I asked him what was funny but he wouldn't tell me. The car wouldn't start. I called RACV and they told me the problem. My son had rolled 9 golf balls into the exhaust pipe. FML
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On 11/01/2009 at 1:44am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21583) - you totally deserved it (1375)
On 10/23/2009 at 3:19pm - misc - by iross (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML
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On 10/17/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I learned that my car alarm only goes off if the car is unlocked a bit forcibly. Doesn't make a sound when some prick breaks the window out in the middle of the night to steal my cd player. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17652) - you totally deserved it (868)
On 10/16/2009 at 5:23am - misc - by Hardsleeper - United States (Texas)
Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML
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On 10/14/2009 at 2:19pm - misc - by creepystalkerguy (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
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On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML
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On 10/11/2009 at 11:42am - misc - by poop (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)
Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML
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On 10/05/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Painful (man) - United States (Minnesota)
