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theatregrl11's FML badges
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theatregrl11's favorite FMLs
Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML
by PickYourselfUp / 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML
by Anonymous / 07/30/2014 at 4:21am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Kids
by anonyme / 07/30/2014 at 2:51am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML
by Humiliated & Heart-Broken / 07/30/2014 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Love
by fatty magoo / 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation
by rejected / 07/28/2014 at 6:09pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man, and that my ass was grounds for discussion." FML
by tlm84 / 07/27/2014 at 10:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/27/2014 at 10:48pm / United States (California) / Work
by why / 07/27/2014 at 9:55pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm / Germany (Hessen) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML
by fingwhore / 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm / United States (New York) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/12/2014 at 12:09pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Kids
Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm / United States (Idaho) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/06/2014 at 9:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
- Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's… Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was… Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm.…