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About the_zero_article : "I'm wearing a hat right now! So, know that."
Hella gay* asexual nerd who lives on the internet.
Interests include: literature, music, and food
Feel free to say hi! Just kidding, please leave.
*[insert noncomittal hand gestures]
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
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You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
2day an older gentleman cummd into my work 4 underwear!! I helpd him fine his size pulld out a pair of navy ones an he then turnd to me an said "I don't want dark colour because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continud looking 4 all thehite pairs!! FML
2day mah university considered it an ( embarrassment ) that I was going to be the first and only person to graduate from mah engineering course, so they gave free passes to two guys who hadn't finished thier thesis yet. They were congratulated in the newspaper; I wasn't. FML
TODAY, I CLIMBED INTO BED WITH MAH SLEEPING BOYFRIEND AFTER A LONG SHIFT AT WORK. HE IMMEDIATELY ROLLED OVER, CLAMPED MAH LEG BETWEEN HIS KNEES, AND STARTED VICIOUSLY HUMPING IT. THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME NOW, AND HE STILL DOESN'T BELIEVE THAT HE EVEN DOES IT. MEGA FML
Today, mah friend announcd that she'd lost wieght recently. As I was congratulating her, mah baby sister said, ( I think you're still fat but that's good cuz you can give more meat to Godhen you go to heaven. ) Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML
Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he startd attacking my wife fir breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he rantd that ( You don't see me whipping my dick out an pissing in front of everyone, do you? ) FML
Today, mah brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillethile at mah place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants mah blood, cuz she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML
Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decidd that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he trid something new: popping one of the pimple on my neck!! When I reactd in horror, all he could say was, ( It lookd pretty..!! ) fat FML
Today, it's five days until my wedding an I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister . They share clothes, have the same harcut, an they even take turns flrting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me . I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one . FML
Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then hered loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML
Today, I Retrieved Te Wrong Luggage From An Arport Carousel. I'm Now Te Owner Of Two Water-bras, A False Beard, A Bag Of Cat Litter, An Some Anal Beads. I Am Afraid To Get In Touc Wit Te Original Owner.
Taday on a train, I nerely chokd while sleeping with mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balld-up tin foil into mouth. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015