About the_shift : I have nothing to say here but write me.
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the_shift's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML
by campus pussy / 03/22/2014 at 5:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched my daughter squealing with delight in front of a video game. Beating a boss? Slaying an adversary? Completing a quest? Not at all. She was chasing birds, making them fly away, then starting all over again as soon as they landed. She's 19. FML
by melimelo24 / 03/13/2014 at 5:33am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by Crashed / 01/01/2014 at 1:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML
by erjazo / 12/31/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by awkword / 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML
by wth? / 12/13/2013 at 10:10am / United Kingdom (Rotherham) / Love
by Rumors / 12/12/2013 at 6:27am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by knee pain / 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm / United States / Health
by happy birthday to me / 12/05/2013 at 12:14am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML
by KarateKid76 / 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Broke / 12/04/2013 at 3:27am / United States (Texas) / Money
by reallyhighschool / 12/03/2013 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2013 at 9:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML
by Kyle / 12/03/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl… Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in… Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not…