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the_king3513

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the_king3513

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  • Number of visits : 222
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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the_king3513's page activity

Visits<b>NickPowers55</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 11:44pm<b>pistachiopanda</b> - the 04/11/2014 at 3:53pm<b>Phylo</b> - the 04/10/2014 at 3:14pm<b>DEATHSNIGHTMARE</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 5:55pm<b>AH1Zviper</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 3:10pm<b>Lindsey_Marie</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 2:28pm<b>wilburhp</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 3:12am<b>origamidragon</b> - the 01/31/2014 at 11:11pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 6:47am

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50 favourites

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the_king3513's favorite FMLs

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

#21149341
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40691) - you deserved it (4147)

On 05/23/2014 at 3:32pm - kids - by todaddy (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

#21142020
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42515) - you deserved it (9068)

On 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML

#21141244
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39330) - you deserved it (16662)

On 05/15/2014 at 10:34pm - misc - by NickJJ - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

#21138836
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53060) - you deserved it (8396)

On 05/13/2014 at 5:02pm - animals - by dating a big bag of dicks (woman) - United States

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

#21131587
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48632) - you deserved it (16269)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to explain to my husband that it's biologically impossible for cats and dogs to cross-breed, and that his "brilliant idea" of getting ours to mate is just plain disturbing. He still doesn't believe me. FML

#21084031
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35995) - you deserved it (3913)

On 03/11/2014 at 2:51pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

#21081555
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42480) - you deserved it (4261)

On 03/08/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in bed staring at two red lights coming from my DVD player. They reminded me of the terminator movies, and I had to unplug it. I'm 23 years old and scared of The Terminator. FML

#21080429
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34176) - you deserved it (8287)

On 03/07/2014 at 10:41am - misc - by scaredypants123 - United States

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49521) - you deserved it (6054)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I taught my 12-year-old brothers that showering cannot be used as a substitute for deodorant, and that they should use both. One of them was almost in tears. FML

#21077693
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36616) - you deserved it (4229)

On 03/04/2014 at 8:37am - kids - by :/ -

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

#21077619
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39949) - you deserved it (11084)

On 03/04/2014 at 4:06am - love - by booksandshadows (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I threw an eraser at my brother to get his attention because he couldn't hear me over his music. Being in a bad mood, he thought I was trying to aggravate his bad mood and responded by throwing a small desk cactus back. FML

#21071018
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36678) - you deserved it (13011)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:31am - misc - by ThatGuyWithFMLs (man) - Japan (Osaka)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

#21070515
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42366) - you deserved it (5940)

On 02/24/2014 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Author (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

#21070396
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44459) - you deserved it (4201)

On 02/24/2014 at 2:36pm - misc - by fuckmeitsgettingworse - United Kingdom (Derby)



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