About the_enigma1019 : Being a giant eyeball is hard work.....
You want to know about me? I'm a cosmic space eyeball, here observing the local late cretaceous era flora and fauna. I happened to come across one of your silly "time travelers" carrying an iPhone 45. And kept the trinket for myself. I stumbled upon this app, and strangely enough it's set to view early 21st century fmls... So here I am.
These humans intrigue me, based on their... Uh... What do you simians call it?... Comedic effect.
DocBastard
Noorfml
Perdix
Every1luvsbonerz
All of the fml staff
Pleonasm
Brave_sir_robin
Anyone brave enough to try and make a pun amongst this cold unforgiving community is good in my book
If you guys want to start an eyeball worship cult so that we can set up an invas... Tea party!... I meant tea party!... That would be awesome, thank you.
Chilling with my homie Benjamin Franklin! (known in the hoods of Boston as "Big Ben")
Farewell... *cough* {stupid humans}
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21328) - you deserved it (2117)
On 11/14/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by squidwardpotatoes (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35201) - you deserved it (3407)
On 10/17/2009 at 5:08pm - kids - by hamster cookie - Sent from mobile version
Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9078) - you deserved it (17129)
On 10/12/2009 at 9:44pm - animals - by catgirl911 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36636) - you deserved it (2337)
On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (123846) - you deserved it (4824)
On 10/07/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by dinosaurman (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12623) - you deserved it (25847)
On 10/07/2009 at 12:39am - love - by NotAParabola (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I had to hand write a 10 page essay for one of my classes. When I turned it in I got an automatic zero. It was written in blue. Not black. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35886) - you deserved it (8085)
On 09/23/2009 at 9:18pm - misc - by stupid (woman) - United States
Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55087) - you deserved it (2644)
On 08/26/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40227) - you deserved it (2658)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by NoseInPain (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45899) - you deserved it (15272)
On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, a very good platonic friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said 'Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!' When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said 'You've made me the happiest man alive' as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20735) - you deserved it (74464)
On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41944) - you deserved it (5805)
On 07/14/2009 at 4:55am - animals - by doggone (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was writing a huge paper for a class as our last grade. My dog starts scratching himself. He hit the power button on the computer. Nothing was saved. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34538) - you deserved it (28697)
On 05/25/2009 at 3:45pm - animals - by duderboi99 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (96977) - you deserved it (8077)
On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85659) - you deserved it (10680)
On 04/16/2009 at 4:40am - intimacy - by sad_gay (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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