the_enigma1019

Search for a member

the_enigma1019

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2085
  • Number of comments : 113
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About the_enigma1019 : Being a giant eyeball is hard work.....

You want to know about me? I'm a cosmic space eyeball, here observing the local late cretaceous era flora and fauna. I happened to come across one of your silly "time travelers" carrying an iPhone 45. And kept the trinket for myself. I stumbled upon this app, and strangely enough it's set to view early 21st century fmls... So here I am.

These humans intrigue me, based on their... Uh... What do you simians call it?... Comedic effect.

DocBastard
Noorfml
Perdix
Every1luvsbonerz
All of the fml staff
Pleonasm
Brave_sir_robin

Anyone brave enough to try and make a pun amongst this cold unforgiving community is good in my book

If you guys want to start an eyeball worship cult so that we can set up an invas... Tea party!... I meant tea party!... That would be awesome, thank you.

Chilling with my homie Benjamin Franklin! (known in the hoods of Boston as "Big Ben")

Farewell... *cough* {stupid humans}

the_enigma1019's page activity

Visits<b>Dr_Awesome654</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 2:34pm<b>teentee401</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 1:18pm<b>buckstop1</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 2:33pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 2:31am<b>Amateur_Dank</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 10:38pm<b>sh4rpestl1ves</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 9:48pm<b>Mukuro</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 1:09pm<b>That1One1Chick</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 9:24pm<b>shady_fox77</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 5:24pm<b>Fonzilicious</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 9:53am<b>cannedpeas</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 2:14pm<b>IMcPwn</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 6:59am<b>Mrhammer404</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 8:58pm<b>dominikaelisa</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 11:55am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 3:05pm<b>Ilikepie467</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 11:18pm<b>Global_User</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 3:23pm<b>Rizzen</b> - the 02/04/2014 at 9:41am

Fucked!<b>Mukuro</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 7:09pm

the_enigma1019's FML badges

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

the_enigma1019's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML

by squidwardpotatoes / 11/14/2009 at 6:08am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML

by hamster cookie / 10/17/2009 at 5:08pm / Kids

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

by catgirl911 / 10/12/2009 at 9:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

by dinosaurman / 10/07/2009 at 12:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML

by NotAParabola / 10/07/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I had to hand write a 10 page essay for one of my classes. When I turned it in I got an automatic zero. It was written in blue. Not black. FML

by stupid / 09/23/2009 at 9:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2009 at 1:12am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

by NoseInPain / 08/20/2009 at 10:17am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

by Ouch / 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

by dundundadumb / 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML

by doggone / 07/14/2009 at 4:55am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I was writing a huge paper for a class as our last grade. My dog starts scratching himself. He hit the power button on the computer. Nothing was saved. FML

by duderboi99 / 05/25/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML

by Flicker / 05/14/2009 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

by sad_gay / 04/16/2009 at 4:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy