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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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thatonesinginkid

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thatonesinginkid
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 335
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, I had a seizure at my boyfriend's. The second I began to seize, he cursed and picked me up, dropping me on the floor complaining "Now I have to clean the damn couch." I had urinated because I had no control over my body. The couch is still stained. He dumped me for ruining his furniture. FML

#4356105 (299)

I agree, your life sucks (67511) - you deserved it (4646)

On 08/07/2009 at 4:55am - love - by notsomuchinlove (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking with a close friend (who is a virgin) about why he did not want to have sex with a prostitute. He told me that "It's not nice to know that the girl you are having sex with has slept with half the country", he then added "That is exactly why I would not have sex with you". FML

#4307488 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (12415) - you deserved it (43892)

On 08/05/2009 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by unlucky (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peak at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

#4305194 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (5331) - you deserved it (55611)

On 08/05/2009 at 9:37am - love - by TextLoser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

#4299619 (301)

I agree, your life sucks (33488) - you deserved it (56079)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

#4276088 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (29242) - you deserved it (16909)

On 08/04/2009 at 4:26am - misc - by Optimist - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

#4267516 (242)

I agree, your life sucks (50611) - you deserved it (6828)

On 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by BeboKhaos (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML

#4207325 (276)

I agree, your life sucks (43384) - you deserved it (9121)

On 08/01/2009 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Maria39018 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML

#4063087 (91)

I agree, your life sucks (35411) - you deserved it (12946)

On 07/26/2009 at 9:12pm - love - by Joel_mama (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

#4031400 (275)

I agree, your life sucks (59965) - you deserved it (6484)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by misopower (woman) - China (Henan)

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

#4025974 (188)

I agree, your life sucks (39677) - you deserved it (6026)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:55am - kids - by Kimberly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

#3925036 (189)

I agree, your life sucks (53015) - you deserved it (8383)

On 07/21/2009 at 6:42am - intimacy - by picturemenakedbaby (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I slept together. In the middle of the night, he saw my phone receiving a text from someone saying "Hey baby, I missed you so much! I'm going to be visiting in a couple of days, hope to see you again, I love you!". He got mad and left my house. It was my dad from Ohio. FML

#3904577 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (38310) - you deserved it (2926)

On 07/20/2009 at 12:03pm - love - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML

#3880304 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (60079) - you deserved it (2379)

On 07/19/2009 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by kareed3 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

#3852842 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (43737) - you deserved it (6975)

On 07/18/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by fartypeepee (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494 (859)

I agree, your life sucks (85957) - you deserved it (50908)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)