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Mobility
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Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
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Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33612) - you deserved it (2450)
On 05/20/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54533) - you deserved it (11082)
On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53786) - you deserved it (7632)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my 15-year-old brother got busted for selling pills at school. The officer said they were reddish pink, so we searched the house for that kind of pill. Turns out it was my dog's medicine from over 4 years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37897) - you deserved it (3317)
On 04/25/2013 at 12:54am - kids - by kkt - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44667) - you deserved it (5214)
On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30958) - you deserved it (4457)
On 04/07/2013 at 10:51am - work - by confused - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19052) - you deserved it (57926)
On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, feeling tired, I snuck one of my wife's pills that she claims gives her super energy. I later found out it was our son's placenta, grounded up and made into capsules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30066) - you deserved it (9635)
On 04/01/2013 at 12:49am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my family and I were visiting an aunt. While helping my aunt to set the table, my sister remarked that from behind I look exactly like her. I reflexively blurted out "well fuck you too". Very awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9761) - you deserved it (26919)
On 03/23/2013 at 8:38pm - misc - by Kjer (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34186) - you deserved it (3098)
On 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by butnotlikethat (woman) - China (Jiangxi)
Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35227) - you deserved it (5209)
On 03/14/2013 at 5:02am - intimacy - by howaboutno (woman) - United States
Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30257) - you deserved it (3027)
On 03/13/2013 at 9:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28798) - you deserved it (2288)
On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35178) - you deserved it (11265)
On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38829) - you deserved it (16922)
On 03/11/2013 at 7:33am - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Friday 24 May 2013
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