thatgirl415

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thatgirl415

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  • Number of visits : 85
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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thatgirl415's favorite FMLs

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

by aelia_oups / 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 6:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

by zed / 09/09/2012 at 1:21pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

by kherien / 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML

by dumbasdogshit / 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, at work, my phone kept crashing. Without thinking, I announced that it was having a seizure. Who did I announce this to? My boss. Who also happens to have epilepsy. FML

by xxccruzxx / 06/29/2012 at 9:30am / United States / Work

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

by apparantlyStupid / 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I came home from a knee surgery. I asked my mother to get me a glass of water. She replied, "You can get it, you're not crippled. Oh wait, yeah you are" and laughed hysterically. FML

by crippy / 06/26/2012 at 1:01am / United States / Health

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

by ironyisabitch / 06/02/2012 at 1:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom was giving me a long lecture about being aware of my surroundings, because you never know what's out there. While she was talking, I noticed a drug deal going down in the Walmart parking lot. She didn't notice. FML

by observant / 05/15/2012 at 10:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I purposely wore a red shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

by reddd / 05/10/2012 at 2:44am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse was the lady I had a one night stand with 3 nights ago, and yes she remembered me. FML

by T3STI / 05/06/2012 at 9:44pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, after a lot of begging, I finally convinced my husband to shave all of his pubes off. Now I can't even look at it without laughing, and he's mad at me for making him do it. FML

by kdehshaden / 04/30/2012 at 4:25am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

by jessica071509 / 04/24/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Arizona) / Animals