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1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 8 February 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13539
  • Number of comments : 241
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 28 posted

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testing's page activity

Visits<b>Bravewolf</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 2:27am<b>viggo375</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 6:23pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 7:45pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 1:58am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 2:51pm<b>reburkah</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 1:59am<b>guineagirl</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 2:49pm<b>GoldFishPony</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 6:31pm<b>Global_User</b> - the 04/02/2014 at 2:25pm<b>befml</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 1:15pm<b>jeslog95</b> - the 01/18/2014 at 6:50pm<b>Spicymexican46</b> - the 01/18/2014 at 6:39pm<b>ceraseerin</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 1:26am<b>hunteryager</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 4:43pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:57pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 1:14am<b>Eric0</b> - the 03/07/2010 at 10:05pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 11/14/2009 at 11:38pm

Fucked!<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 7:58am

testing's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

testing's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting my neighbors kids for the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping around like a horse, oh, and a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

by armybrat / 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I began my job volunteering at an orphanage in Beijing, China, working with 7-year-olds who just started learning english. We played a game where, if you got caught, you had to sing a song. I got caught, so I chose the ABCs. They all knew the song perfectly, I missed 3 letters. FML

by BigBallah93 / 07/07/2009 at 8:20am / China (Beijing) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

by RachelDC / 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. My doctor said it was okay to eat, so, I had some mashed potatoes. Apparently, my body disagreed with the doctor, because I threw up. Because my face was so swollen, it didn't make it out my mouth. It went through my nose instead. I literally blew chunks. FML

by bloodynose / 06/26/2009 at 10:35pm / United States (New York) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2009 at 12:01am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

by DesDri / 06/20/2009 at 3:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

by Bob / 06/20/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 1:26am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, as a frog biologist I was out in the field searching for a relatively rare frog species. After three hours I finally heard the frog call and I crept closer and closer to the sound until... squish... I stepped on the very frog I was trying to collect. They're endangered. FML

by oops... / 06/19/2009 at 12:23am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

by Bes / 06/14/2009 at 11:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

by mcullen21 / 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was babysitting my 5 month old nephew who hasn't pooped in 2 days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolls over and pees on my new carpet. I roll him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML

by chuchie / 06/11/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

by NoBalls / 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

by apav / 06/11/2009 at 7:52am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work