temoch

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temoch

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 431
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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temoch's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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temoch's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML

by fuck russia and fuck georgia too / 03/09/2014 at 2:38pm / Azerbaijan / Intimacy

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

by ... / 01/04/2014 at 12:25am / United States / Love

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

by bella / 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

by snowwhite / 10/28/2013 at 12:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML

by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina / 06/01/2013 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 1:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML

by MexicanMe / 09/14/2012 at 10:13am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

by squeltorey / 08/03/2012 at 3:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

by EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 / 08/17/2011 at 12:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

by Michelle / 08/03/2011 at 2:01am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2011 at 4:28am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

by gorillalove / 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

by uselessdad / 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm / Singapore / Kids