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Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6901) - you deserved it (94027)
On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24247) - you deserved it (16866)
On 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27932) - you deserved it (6261)
On 11/04/2011 at 12:29am - love - by fmlifer - United States (California)
Today, at work I asked a cute, albeit slightly large customer, her name. Being hard of hearing, I thought she said "Porky" and asked her about it. Turns out she'd said Courtney. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19616) - you deserved it (7017)
On 11/02/2011 at 3:12am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23928) - you deserved it (2987)
On 11/02/2011 at 1:06am - misc - by steve-o - United States
Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38866) - you deserved it (1903)
On 10/30/2011 at 2:32am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my dad asked if I'd help him clean the gutters. I was given the responsibility of holding the ladder while he went on the roof. All I heard was laughter before a year's worth of rotting vegetation landed on top of my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17923) - you deserved it (1811)
On 10/28/2011 at 4:59pm - misc - by Weldingtags (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a god damn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22113) - you deserved it (3787)
On 10/27/2011 at 10:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, was the last day of the prank war between me and my husband. I told him the last prank needed to be the best one. I took a shower and tried to think up my last prank. When I got out of the shower, my hair was green. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9728) - you deserved it (28702)
On 10/26/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by mycedes - United States
Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16973) - you deserved it (2181)
On 10/26/2011 at 2:36am - work - by insanitycalling - Canada (Alberta)
Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14366) - you deserved it (26870)
On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14366) - you deserved it (26870)
On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42499) - you deserved it (2870)
On 10/21/2011 at 10:55am - intimacy - by prostitutes boyfriend - United Kingdom (Cornwall)
Today, my roomie had guests over. I didn't feel like socializing, but I really had to piss. So I pissed in the plant in my room, spilled half of it, mopped it up with an old shirt, and went to bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5319) - you deserved it (35409)
On 10/21/2011 at 12:57am - misc - by crankg - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was caught skinny dipping by the police. With the arresting officer's daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33221) - you deserved it (7653)
On 10/20/2011 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by skinny dipper - United States (Washington)
Monday 17 June 2013
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