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tealwonder

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tealwonder

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  • Number of visits : 204
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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tealwonder's favorite FMLs

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

#21127339
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39446) - you deserved it (4974)

On 04/30/2014 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I took my kids to an Easter party hosted by a local church. The nice lady in charge told the kids, "Jesus died, but He rose to life again!" My 9 year old screamed, "LIKE A ZOMBIE!" FML

#21116666
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40360) - you deserved it (7940)

On 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

#21116600
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30618) - you deserved it (38454)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:56pm - misc - by say no to dick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

#21091449
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43239) - you deserved it (9382)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:31am - animals - by cat whisperer - United States

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old son is a prolific creator of My Little Pony themed hentai. I'm not a judgmental man, but he's probably going to hell. FML

#21082455
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41068) - you deserved it (7752)

On 03/09/2014 at 6:32pm - kids - by ashamed father (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

#21080573
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42505) - you deserved it (22252)

On 03/07/2014 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by onepussytwopussy (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

#21074731
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48948) - you deserved it (5598)

On 03/01/2014 at 5:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

#21064527
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45949) - you deserved it (16919)

On 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

#21057121
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47494) - you deserved it (8039)

On 02/11/2014 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

#21056743
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42878) - you deserved it (9035)

On 02/10/2014 at 10:16pm - animals - by alii2349 - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

#21056009
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41133) - you deserved it (7224)

On 02/10/2014 at 1:42am - kids - by aarong (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

#21050194
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53793) - you deserved it (6638)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:50am - kids - by LadyDeadpool88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

#21046394
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43146) - you deserved it (8208)

On 01/31/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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