About taylorjean97 : Taylor | 15 years young✌| Why not, message me?
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taylorjean97's favorite FMLs
by religionbites621 / 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by redeye / 09/19/2011 at 1:03am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML
by Ima_Moronski / 07/25/2011 at 11:35pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health
Today, I went out on a date with an ex boyfriend that I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/30/2011 at 1:21am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said "That was my daughter." FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2011 at 3:28am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML
by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 12:36pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
by timor / 12/18/2010 at 11:13am / United States (Arizona) / Love
by yeaokay / 10/29/2010 at 1:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/25/2010 at 12:24pm / United States / Love
Today, I was sitting in a lecture about the history of the KKK and the problems it has caused, when the weirdest and quietest kid leans over my shoulder and says "I'd burn you first..." and winks. FML
by racist / 10/15/2010 at 2:00am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML
by Catois / 03/05/2010 at 12:17am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by VahnSeiro / 02/20/2010 at 1:04am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by sexyfail / 01/26/2010 at 3:59am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
- Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests,… Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead.… Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me…