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Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2415) - you totally deserved it (53193)
On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5726) - you totally deserved it (43722)
On 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4211) - you totally deserved it (19647)
On 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20482) - you totally deserved it (4071)
On 10/21/2009 at 12:40pm - health - by Rayvyn (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4003) - you totally deserved it (17671)
On 10/14/2009 at 4:19pm - love - by LasagnaRawks (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3401) - you totally deserved it (50307)
On 10/13/2009 at 2:54am - love - by PanFace (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my friend thought it would be funny to dress in all black with a ski mask and use my spare key to break into my house as a joke. He though it was even funnier when I jumped out the window and broke my leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25648) - you totally deserved it (3450)
On 10/03/2009 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend who had just been awakened by her own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33993) - you totally deserved it (2007)
On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)
Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8762) - you totally deserved it (27510)
On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7514) - you totally deserved it (25324)
On 09/01/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by becca1417 (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, when I opened the door to my room at night, I saw this big menacing thing staring right at me. I gasped and my heart started racing. I apprehensively turned on the lights, and I realized that it was the semi-deflated Spongebob balloon that has been in my room for weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3527) - you totally deserved it (16212)
On 08/23/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Scared - United States (Washington)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9585) - you totally deserved it (41362)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31737) - you totally deserved it (9238)
On 08/18/2009 at 8:35am - misc - by peepeepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Service was spelled wrong and when I looked it up, error message 3265 does not exist. FML
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On 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by ZSL (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31130) - you totally deserved it (7297)
On 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm - misc - by fearofzombies (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
