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About tannerianian : Hey I'm tanner! I love meeting new people. I scream/sing in a techno/electronic band and play ukulele guitar and keyboard as well as DJ and make dubstep. I love body mods my ears are an inch and I have my nose pierced and an industrial I plan to get more.
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally calld the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explaind that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excusd herself, never to return. FML
Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken fir my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school fir a dollar each. FML
today I droppd a whole batch of penis-shapd cookies on the floor . Then I thought, ( 5-second rule ) and startd eating them . And then I realizd that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor . FML
2DAY I WAS DIGGING IN MY LAWN, TRYING TO IGNORE THE SUSPICIOUS GLANCES COMING FROM MY NOSY FUCKBALL OF A NEIGHBOR. WHEN HE ASKED WAT I WAS DOING, I REPLIED WITH DRIPPING SARCASM, THAT I WAS DIGGING UP THE SCHOOLKIDS I KILLED LAST YEAR. FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER, THE COPS HE CALLED ARRIVED. FML
Today,hile attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML
Today, Mah Daughter Proudly Showed Me Her New Tattoo Sleeve,hich Is Made Up Of An Angry Cupcake, Hemp Leaves, An A My Little Pony Character. She's Almost 30, Still Unemployed, An Still Lives In Mah Home. I Now Have No Hope Of Her Ever Becoming A Productive Member Of Society. FML
Yesterday, at job, an old looool lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explaind to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continud to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
Today, at work in a nursing homa, I had to kill imaginary dogs in tha lunch room, cuz thay wara avil and trying to aat avaryona!! This startd with just ona parson saaing tham, to all 30 of tham scraaming and fraaking out!! I spant 45 minutas killing imaginary dogs!! FML
I saw a large spider carry away te body of a dead spider in te batroom. In my antropology class, we learned one of te first signs of civilization is caring for te dead. First, tey become civilized, and next, tey take over. I will never sleep again. FML
Today , apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of cat , Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past , he has eventually gotten himself out , but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML
Friday 27 March 2015