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tambo5135's favorite FMLs
by knee pain / 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm / United States / Health
Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML
by Ashamed_Sister / 11/30/2013 at 2:35am / Namibia (Windhoek) / Love
by OuchImAMoron / 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by grantsidiots / 11/27/2013 at 12:51am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML
by why god / 11/25/2013 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by AshleyRose24 / 11/23/2013 at 3:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/21/2013 at 5:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML
by smooth / 11/21/2013 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy
by kids next door / 11/18/2013 at 5:14am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML
by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by WinkleBottom / 11/04/2013 at 5:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by StrandedWhale / 11/03/2013 at 2:21am / United Kingdom / Love
by SantaClaus / 11/02/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
- Today, I had a sex dream. I woke up, sleepily got myself off and fell right asleep. it wasn't until… Today, a wasp was chilling in the drivers seat of my car. I didn't realize what the painful sting… Today my dog left a present for me at the top of the stairs. I didn't turn on the lights when I was…