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tambo5135's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex for the first time when my 4 year old sister walked in. She thought we were making a dog pile, so just as soon as my boyfriend was about to finish, she jumped on his back. FML
by Ashley / 09/07/2010 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML
by junior / 04/11/2010 at 4:11am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by Vastu / 02/07/2010 at 12:42pm / Nepal / Money
by fuckmylife / 02/02/2010 at 3:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML
by Awkward / 01/16/2010 at 4:24pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML
by James4929 / 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
by Nobody / 11/27/2009 at 4:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my wife asked me if she looked cute in a new dress that she bought earlier today. I told her that she almost looks like a supermodel. Appearantly "almost" doesn't cut it. Guess who's sleeping on the couch. FML
by keepmouthshut / 10/11/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by TRAMATIZED / 09/08/2009 at 6:08pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2009 at 5:50pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML
by Anonymous / 09/05/2009 at 7:41pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML
by WTF / 09/05/2009 at 6:11pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by razgriz1 / 08/20/2009 at 1:45am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
by NoFriends / 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I dropped my phone between my legs and tried to catch it with my thighs. Instead, the phone… Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and… Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner…
- Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…