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tambo5135's favorite FMLs
Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML
by lilben / 06/10/2011 at 4:09am / United States (California) / Work
by 613tanner / 05/19/2011 at 1:30am / Transportation
by insomnitude / 03/05/2011 at 1:55am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by brokenhome / 01/24/2011 at 10:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML
by fianceeless / 01/20/2011 at 8:15pm / United States (California) / Love
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Animals
Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
by Anonymous / 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2010 at 3:01am / Mexico (Morelos) / Intimacy
Today, I was fooling around a bit with my girlfriend while cooking dinner when she said, "Don't get too excited, I want to watch The Princess and the Frog tonight." I just got cockblocked by a Disney movie. FML
by roberto / 11/12/2010 at 6:48pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Intimacy
by yay! / 11/08/2010 at 1:07am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I went to class with my bag packed for a weekend trip when it began to vibrate violently. Stopping mid-lecture, the professor approached me and asked politely if I could turn off my cell phone as I was disturbing the other 150 pupils in the class. It was my personal vibrator. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 7:01pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
Today, at work, I was called into the office by my supervisor, on whom I have a massive crush. He called me in to get my password to make some adjustments on my work account and asked me what my password was. I had to hold eye contact with him and tell him my password is his full name. FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2010 at 1:08am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML
by Anonymous / 09/21/2010 at 6:07pm / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…