tallytheunitato

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Offline (the 02/25/2014 at 9:35am)

tallytheunitato

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 13 August 1992 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 233
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About tallytheunitato : I'm the peculiar one o.O I IM A BAD BITCH #idowhatiwant #fuckboutyourfeelings #fuckwhatchuheard #dontgiveafuck #SWEG #DONTMESSWITBORIQUABITCHEZZ

tallytheunitato's page activity

Visits<b>Claytonioo</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 5:57am<b>Superdouchebag</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 2:53pm

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tallytheunitato's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

by belljars / 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the April Fool's Day prank my girlfriend and best friend played on me was not a joke, and that they actually did sleep together. FML

by gullible / 04/12/2014 at 12:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

by Spooprfailed / 04/08/2014 at 1:32am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

by armtits and big pits / 04/05/2014 at 3:14am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

by the other guy? / 03/29/2014 at 5:57pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

by Galaxy / 03/29/2014 at 1:03pm / Belgium (Limburg) / Animals

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2014 at 4:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

by littlefinger / 03/11/2014 at 12:11pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

by dating a pussy / 02/18/2014 at 4:15pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm / Virgin Islands, U.S. / Intimacy

Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML

by I must suck at singing / 02/17/2014 at 7:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2014 at 4:39pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

by fuck you right back, cockspit / 02/14/2014 at 4:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I came home from a night out with the lads. My girlfriend refused to make love to me, saying my sperm were drunk and would raise hell in her uterus. FML

by vegas-81 / 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm / France / Intimacy