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talloctopus

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talloctopus
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 January 1992 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 675
  • Number of comments : 88
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About talloctopus : I'm Awesome. And also a Whovian :]

talloctopus's last visitors

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talloctopus's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of talloctopus's badges

talloctopus's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35090) - you deserved it (3816)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML

#19786918
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26284) - you deserved it (5180)

On 06/14/2012 at 12:28pm - love - by Sir Vom-a-lot (man) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my psychiatrist asked me if I felt bad about my weight. When I said no, he looked surprised and said, "Why not?" FML

#19786105
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23193) - you deserved it (4161)

On 06/14/2012 at 7:26am - misc - by ouch - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

#19784539
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25879) - you deserved it (6327)

On 06/13/2012 at 10:21pm - intimacy - by biggieT - Sri Lanka (Western)

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

#19781971
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19753) - you deserved it (1593)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:58pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

#19780908
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18603) - you deserved it (593)

On 06/13/2012 at 5:08am - misc - by pandora (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, a friend who I hadn't seen in a while offered to give me a ride. I didn't really know how to give directions to my house, so when we had been driving for a while and it was getting awkward, I just pointed at a random house and pretended to live there. FML

#19621592
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9052) - you deserved it (32148)

On 05/14/2012 at 10:22am - misc - by Anonymous - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

#16403007
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32481) - you deserved it (9487)

On 05/29/2011 at 2:22pm - animals - by Brie - United States

Today, I took a final for my law class. As I was taking the test, I noticed the girl on my left copying off me. I wrote all the wrong answers on my sheet while writing the correct answers on my desk hoping she would copy the wrong answers down. I forgot to write the correct answers on my test. FML

#16222014
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15919) - you deserved it (58485)

On 05/17/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by markymark - United States

Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML

#14610612
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41453) - you deserved it (2813) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

#13896400
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34614) - you deserved it (11921)

On 11/19/2010 at 2:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML

#13539571
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26059) - you deserved it (3219)

On 10/21/2010 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my girlfriend that my grandma died, expecting to be comforted. She got mad at me for "stealing her thunder" because her cat died two days ago. FML

#11794777
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43097) - you deserved it (3852)

On 07/10/2010 at 4:05pm - love - by thanksalot - United States

Today, I finally weighed myself after going on a strict diet of only fruits, vegetables, and coffee. I gained weight. FML

#11218356
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21919) - you deserved it (15409)

On 06/15/2010 at 3:31pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had lunch with a co-worker, and after having a good talk and enjoying each others company, we got up to leave. Right before we said goodbye, she looked me right in the face and looking legitimately confused said "you know, I really don't understand why no one at work likes you." FML

#7865660
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22233) - you deserved it (1618)

On 02/04/2010 at 12:05am - misc - by crazyclumzy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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