talloctopus

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talloctopus

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 January 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2288
  • Number of comments : 88
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About talloctopus : I'm Awesome. And also a Whovian :]

talloctopus's page activity

Visits<b>shabadabba</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 1:49pm<b>Logical07</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 2:29am<b>Carlos_Dionicio</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 5:18am<b>ToxicRanbows</b> - the 04/21/2013 at 4:09pm<b>goose110v</b> - the 01/16/2013 at 3:18am<b>kkcoolkid</b> - the 01/11/2013 at 2:46am<b>graceinsheepwear</b> - the 01/08/2013 at 10:18am

Fucked!<b>shabadabba</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 7:49pm

talloctopus's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of talloctopus's badges

talloctopus's favorite FMLs

Today, as always, I have a very weak stomach. I'm in Japan right now, and all the unfamiliar foods set me off every time I eat. I can choose between having a great time and starving myself half to death, or sitting in my hotel room all day with stomach pains and diarrhea. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2012 at 12:04pm / Japan (Tokyo) / Health

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

by deweyd8855 / 07/02/2012 at 10:22pm / United States / Work

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

by Sh*t / 07/02/2012 at 5:17pm / Venezuela (Distrito Federal) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

by nobrony / 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML

by justhelpful / 07/02/2012 at 1:44pm / Austria (Tirol) / Health

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2012 at 11:45am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML

by furious at five in the morning / 07/02/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my end of year physics exam. I wasn't sure about some stuff, so I hid my notes and textbook in the bathroom. Halfway through, I got up, went to the bathroom, and as soon as I picked up the book, forgot what I was looking for. I can't even cheat right. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2012 at 3:23am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

by Misky / 07/01/2012 at 10:51pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm / Intimacy

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

by plzdontclapme / 07/01/2012 at 7:03pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

by probablydeadbymidnight / 07/01/2012 at 6:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

by probablydeadbymidnight / 07/01/2012 at 6:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML

by Jacqueline / 07/01/2012 at 4:01pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML

by grrr1234 / 07/01/2012 at 12:00pm / Kids