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talloctopus

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talloctopus
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 January 1992 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 661
  • Number of comments : 88
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About talloctopus : I'm Awesome. And also a Whovian :]

talloctopus's last visitors

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talloctopus's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of talloctopus's badges

talloctopus's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

#19945727
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17715) - you deserved it (1959)

On 07/16/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by CantBlink - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

#19942412
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33113) - you deserved it (3042)

On 07/15/2012 at 7:13pm - kids - by Zora (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Despite all my attempts to explain that he's wrong, he is totally convinced that my genitals have diabetes. This guy is going to be such a great father to our kids. FML

#19942107
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16599) - you deserved it (5267)

On 07/15/2012 at 5:52pm - health - by Tori (woman) - Australia

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

#19941503
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18375) - you deserved it (2661)

On 07/15/2012 at 3:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

#19938552
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30235) - you deserved it (3259)

On 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm - intimacy - by checkup (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my boss that in some parts of the world, it's currently winter, due to the different hemispheres. He scoffed, accused me of "making shit up," and said that if I took him for a fool again, I'd be looking for a new job. FML

#19938153
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22637) - you deserved it (1695)

On 07/14/2012 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to drive the guy I've been seeing for the past few months to the emergency room. So that he could witness the birth of his newest child. FML

#19918510
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23702) - you deserved it (7285)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:06pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

#19918073
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15536) - you deserved it (32890)

On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mom and I somehow got into a serious argument over the ethics of capturing and training Pokémon. FML

#19910380
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16705) - you deserved it (6382)

On 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mom wanted to send me a picture of me at graduation, saying that I looked pretty in it. It was a picture of a different girl; definitely not me. Way to go, mom. FML

#19909229
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21872) - you deserved it (1351)

On 07/08/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML

#19908128
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30840) - you deserved it (1391)

On 07/08/2012 at 2:58am - misc - by JadedBaker (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

#19903031
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58972) - you deserved it (4705)

On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came to a family barbecue. I guess my dad heard him talking about the "fun" we'd be having later, because over the following two hours, he tripped my boyfriend up on concrete, threw a beer can at him, and sprayed him full-force with a water hose. All "accidentally" of course. FML

#19901144
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18216) - you deserved it (6372)

On 07/06/2012 at 5:30pm - misc - by :$ (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to a family barbecue. I guess my dad heard him talking about the "fun" we'd be having later, because over the following two hours, he tripped my boyfriend up on concrete, threw a beer can at him, and sprayed him full-force with a water hose. All "accidentally" of course. FML

#19901144
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18216) - you deserved it (6372)

On 07/06/2012 at 5:30pm - misc - by :$ (woman) - United States

Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML

#19900187
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38751) - you deserved it (4010)

On 07/06/2012 at 1:44pm - love - by wife of a shithead (woman) - Norway (Oslo)



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