About talkomatic713 : Can't imagine anyone looking to FML for conversation...but if the feeling strikes you, send me a message.
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talkomatic713's favorite FMLs
by Absent / 01/12/2010 at 12:42am / France / Miscellaneous
by Chewy / 01/05/2010 at 5:45am / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Love
Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML
by turriblebday / 12/17/2009 at 10:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML
by RazorBumps / 12/16/2009 at 12:15am / United States (Florida) / Health
by Laura_2118 / 12/12/2009 at 2:28am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Micheal / 11/22/2009 at 10:59pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML
by ZPyRoGoDz / 11/02/2009 at 6:05am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML
by TrueScotsman / 10/29/2009 at 10:31am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML
by Shobz / 10/26/2009 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML
by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, was my wedding day and I had been preparing my speech for my husband for about 3 months. At the wedding, I poured my heart out to him. Did he do the same? My husband forgot about it and right before the wedding, took his from his first marriage and changed the name. FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2009 at 10:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML
by jeph23 / 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
- Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper.… Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she… Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we…